In Memory of my Father

             and the Life and Times of the Last Generation

Yenlin Ku顧燕翎

Dad passed away in the evening of June 6^th this year, at the age of 93 (1923-2016). The last leg of his earthly journey was quiet and peaceful.  We chose to care for him at home so that he could be close to the family. Ms. Wu, our professional and caring home hospice nurse, made regular visits, initially once a week, and as dad’s condition deteriorated increased her visiting frequency.

 Dad stayed clear-minded until drifting in and out of consciousness in the last two days. Well-informed by his doctor of his medical condition from early on, he faced it with courage and grace. Always being considerate of others, he strove to maintain a normal family life in spite of his own discomfort. In the last few months we took turns caring for him day and night. He often told us his appreciation, and, in the meantime, tried to cheer up mom, his sweetheart for more than 70 years. Getting physically weaker by the day, he still tried to make our job easier by helping himself such as turning in bed to avoid getting bed sores. Not a person who joked often, he maintained his sharpness and sense of humor to the end. In the final days when Ms. Wu told him that time was running out and asked if there was anyone he would like to see. He replied: Ms. Wu.

Dad grew up in the turbulent years of civil wars and Japanese invasion of China.  Leaving home on the eastern shore at 16 with his older brother to escape Japanese occupation, he joined the army in inland Jiangxi. His brother, staying in the army, was killed in a battle at the age of 25 one month before the Japanese surrendered. Dad, leaving Jiangxi earlier due to illness, went to the interior province Sichuan, where he entered the war-time Jiangsu Provincial Associated Joint High School and became a classmate of mom. Upon graduation, dad was admitted to the Chinese Air Force Mechanical Academy and later sent to the US to study airplane mechanics and engines. He had a good time in the US and graduated with honors. Maintaining a strong interest in mechanics, he taught at the Air Force Mechanical Academy in Taiwan, going on lecture tours at air force bases. During the era of material shortage in the 1950’s, he was proud that he could teach a large class without a microphone. Dad was fond of cars and airplanes. We could always find an airplane model in his car. A small airplane with a turning propeller, a gift from my sister Meiling, hung on the window vent of his last car. Last September, at the age of 92, he passed the driver license renewal test with high scores.

Dad usually did not read books unless he had to.  Preferring to think things through and figure them out by himself, he had a wide range of interests: photography, soccer, cycling, cooking, bridge game, .... Whatever he got his hands on he would do it well. Regretfully, with the many responsibilities in life, he was unable to explore any of these at will, nor to realize the detective dream he once held. In his sickbed, he recalled the bike competition that he took my sister Wheilin to at the Academy.  He got the first place for both the top speed and the lowest speed races, cheered and applauded by his little daughter. Sixty years later he still beamed with smile when talking about it.

As most Chinese people of the 20^th Century, dad had suffered from wars and poverty, but overall he lived a fulfilled life surrounded by loving family and friends. After he fell ill, my brother Yuekuang moved from Florida to California to care for him and mom. In March Wheilin’s two daughters flew in from the east coast to be with him. Wheilin’s son, in the same city, often stopped by to visit grandpa. These American-born kids made efforts to chat with him in Chinese and brought him great contentment.

Grieving over father’s death, I come to find out that he has not really left us. He lives on in our hearts and brings us closer in our memory of him. I saw father in the eyes of my brother and sisters and heard him in their laughter. His life is continued by each and every one of us. And, I wish, so are his valuable qualities: kindness, wisdom, integrity, …. Living in a world safer and more resourceful than his, I wish we and others could pursue our dreams the way he could never dreamed of.  

Illustrated by great grandson Christopher James Dunlop; 曾孫鄧思杰繪圖