Jo Freeman, 台灣，和我的婦運路

顧燕翎

　　收到Jo的來信，附上她最新的文章，談民主黨總統初選，在黨內群英中選出了一位男黑人和一位女白人，她很滿意這樣的結果，在結論中說：這樣的一次選舉也是我畢生努力的目標。

　　我將文章放在我的部落格“女性主義起點站”上，寫email告訴她，她一向動作很快，立刻回信，說她喜歡這個部落格，然後問我也會將她的文章翻成中文嗎？近年來我很少做翻譯，最近剛譯了弟弟的一篇文章在部落格上，很喜歡他乾淨的文學筆觸。居然被精明的Jo發現了，雖然她不懂中文。為了公平起見，也將她的文章中譯，與原文並列。

　　Jo的這篇文章讓我想起她多年前另一篇文章，悼念Rosa Parks,一位平凡的小職員、非裔、女性，因為1955年在公車上拒絕讓位給白男人，被送進警局，在種族歧視的南方引發軒然大波，黑人社區因而展開拒搭公車運動，Rosa也成為民權運動的象徵人物。那年Jo只有十歲，是一個白人小女孩，和來自阿拉巴馬州的媽媽天天討論此事，媽媽反對種族隔離，也因此奠定了Jo的民權思想。1957年，十二歲的Jo和媽媽開車回阿拉巴馬老家，曾為此議題和全家激辯，舅舅、阿姨、表兄妹全部站在房間的一邊，Jo一個人在另外一邊，媽媽則遠遠觀戰，不發一語。Jo認為媽媽不介入就表示鼓勵，從此展開了她為民權奮鬥的生涯。

　　我1993年冬天認識Jo，那年秋天我從任教的交大到麻省的五校聯合婦女研究中心做研究員，讀了很多婦女運動的文獻，被Jo的著作吸引，特別是The Politics of Women’s Liberation,(不過她所論述的 "the tyranny of sturcturelessness"我到97年婦女新知家變時才親身體驗到。)也在其他人的著作中讀到她在芝加哥開啟第二波婦運的一些事蹟，主動寫信給她。感恩節那天她約我去她紐約家中吃火雞大餐，看到了她的著名收藏：各式政治性的別針，之後還曾和她去參加女性主義者的聚會，認識了婦運先鋒Gloria Steinem等人。

　　要不是這些國際性的朋友和她們的努力，我的婦女研究之路在備受質疑中大概很難從1970年代一直走到現在。即使1985年台大成立婦女研究室之後，女性主義正當性的爭議在台灣婦研學者之間仍延燒了整整十年。除了在台灣的好友們，是這些世界各地的同志們給了我繼續走下去的勇氣和信心，Jo Freeman之外，還有Gloria Bowles, Renate Klein, Peggy McIntosh, Dorothy Smith, Diane Bell, 何芝君，河上婦志子,周顏玲，李小江…

　　Jo於1995年到北京參加世界婦女大會之後，到新竹來看我，住在我家。當時的婦女新知協會理事長紀欣從美返國不久，各黨關係都好，熱衷推動婦女參政，我們安排Jo在短短幾天內到台北、高雄演講。紀欣正好在台北主辦婦女參政生活營，邀請Jo在“政壇傑出婦女之夜”演講美國婦女參政史，由我擔任翻譯。當時在座的兩百多位女性來自各方各黨，其中許多成為政壇上的重要人物，包括余陳月瑛、呂秀蓮、施寄青、朱鳳芝、葉菊蘭、李慶安、陳菊、張富美、藍美津、范巽綠、秦慧珠、秦儷舫、陳玉梅等，這樣的盛會實屬空前，之後隨著黨爭轉劇，也恐難再續。

　　當時大家都很關心婦女保障名額的問題，對這個獨步世界的憲法制度應存應廢拿捏不定。在討論過程中，Jo提出了關鍵人數(critical mass)的概念，她指出，在一個組織中推動變革，有共同理念的成員至少應占四分之一。將原有的約十分之一保障名額的限度推向四分之一的新里程，這可以說是四分之一制的由來。

　　在場的民進黨婦女部主任彭婉如接受了這個觀念，開始在黨內推動女性的四分之一代表制。國民黨婦女工作會也仿效歐洲國家，向國民黨提出在各項民意代表選舉中逐漸增加提名女性至四分之一。後來兩黨皆採取了四分之一代表制，但在執行上略有差異，民進黨是每滿四人，需有一名女性，國民黨則是女性不得低於四分之一。1999年婦女團體再進一步提出三分之一性別比例原則的主張。

　　除了在台奔波演講，Jo回美國之後，寄了數百本她主編的Women: a Feminist Perspective，捐給女書店，賣書做為收入，表達支持之意。

　　活躍於婦女和民權運動半個世紀，不計個人得失，Jo Freeman足以做為社運世代的代表人物。

美國大選：可喜的歷史轉折點

Jo Freeman (顧燕翎譯)

　　慘烈的民主黨初選終於落幕，這是一次歷史性的選擇，不久的將來還有一場歷史性的大選。

　　民主黨在初選時選擇了兩位傑出的候選人：歐巴馬和克林頓，他們兩位在許多方面都十分出眾。

　　其他候選人其實也都有輝煌的資歷，若不是放在今年的選舉，也各有其勝出的條件。　

　　而今年，在這麼多傑出的候選人中，民主黨投票選出了一位黑男人和一位白女人，單憑這點就足以讓美國人感到驕傲。現在大家不大看到美國的優點了，但這個結果卻彰顯了美國的優點：我們有能力克服歷史偏見、我們有能力改變根深蒂固的價值和態度、我們可以透過浮淺的表面看到事物深處。

　　激烈火爆的選舉語言，經由嗜血的媒體誇張放大，留下挫傷的感受，掩蓋了正面的意義，結果關心的重點變成了性別和種族孰者會成為競選障礙，並且認定性別和種族政策對候選人以及對女人、黑人都沒好處。

　　比較種族歧視和性別歧視何者為害較大沒有什麼意義，因為我們無法精確衡量，尤其是人們為了形象未必願意公開表達真心的想法。

　　我們在美國歷史中確切看到，女權和黑人的民權進展同步，不過通常黑人民權領先。任何一個少數族群起步之後都會激勵其他族群跟進。許多先進為了爭取某一族群的平等機會而犧牲了自己的生命、事業、健康、財富，結果也提升了其他弱勢族群的機會。

　　也有例外。在二十世紀初的“進步年代”(the Progressive era)，女權進步，黑人民權倒退。二次大戰後，女人被送回家園，各種機會卻為黑人門戶大開。女權和民權運動者互相學習，結果都大有進展。

　　兩位候選人其實都是站在前人的肩上，1964到2004期間，超過五十位女性參選過總統，雖然大多數默默無名，卻都因為爭取發言權和曝光率而大大增加了女性被提名的潛在機會。曾經參選的黑人沒這麼多，但他們也可能累積了黑人獲得提名的機會。

　　他們兩位也收割了1950和 1960年代民權運動以及1960和1970年代女權運動的成果。

　　比較女人和非裔候選人所可能遭遇的問題和擁有的機會有點像比較蘋果和橘子。女選民人數多，但分歧也大，不像黑人選票集中。民主黨之外的女性選民更因不同政黨傾向而分裂投票，黑人則較無此問題。

　　歐巴馬、西拉蕊兩人都力圖超越性別與種族，證明自己足以擔當全民總統，顯然歐巴馬較為成功。

　　大眾對西拉蕊的懷疑多過歐巴馬，不論男女都將自己對女強人的希望與恐懼投射到西拉蕊身上；但白人對黑人領袖的疑懼卻已隨著時間與經驗而淡化，投射給歐巴馬的只剩下希望。

　　然而，種族歧視仍像幽靈般始終糾纒著歐巴馬，只是人們從不公開表白，甚至也不會在問巻中透露。美國社會比較容忍性別歧視的語言，所以西拉蕊經常成為冷嘲熱諷的對象，而歐巴馬和他的支持者卻不斷懷疑那些隱而不宣的念頭下可能暗藏著何種行動。

　　不過，經過一州又一州的初選，民主黨人畢竟選出了這兩人，這個結果意味著美國真的改變了，而且進步了。我相信改變不是今年才發生的，我相信美國人從1990年代就開始不再接受種族和性別歧視了，只是今年的選舉讓美國人第一次有機會全國性地公開展現了這個轉變。

　　我說1990年代，不是根據民調或統計，也不是發生了任何歷史性的大事，而是許許多多的小插曲讓我看到美國的轉變。

　　雖然右派經常將1960年代的社會運動妖魔化，指控社運導致美國國力下滑，我卻相信是這個世代的努力使得美國人對種族和性別的態度產生了根本的轉變。當年的青年已成為今日的老年，社運世代和其子孫的世界觀已完全不同於之前的世代。

　　過去民主黨提名天主教徒候選人時經歷過類似的世代變化，1928年 Al Smith參選時，反天主教的氣氛正熾，雖然那年我們沒有科學的民調，一般人的感受是他主要受挫於他的宗教信仰，特別是在民主黨大本營南方各州。

　 1960年甘迺迪競選時，他的宗教信仰受到質疑，但反天主教的情緒已緩解了，他小勝。2004年 Kerry競選時，大多數人不知道他信天主教。2008年共和黨的角逐者之一是天主徒（至少看名字是如此），唯一的負面反應是他居然反叛教會，支持墮胎選擇權。

　我覺得今日性別和種族的處境很像1960年代的天主教，仍然受到注意，但已不再是決定性的負面因素。就像甘迺迪當年需要說明他的天主教信仰，民主黨提名人今天也需要說明性別和種族議題，不過美國選民都會注意傾聽。
所有的創傷終將被遺忘，但2008年民主黨提名的選戰卻將長垂青史，值得慶賀。
　
　這樣的一次選舉也是我畢生努力的目標。

This is an historic election. Let’s celebrate it.

Jo Freeman

As we emerge from the miasma of the primaries, let us not forget that this has been an historic Presidential selection season and it will be an historic election.

The voters in the Democratic primaries and caucuses chose as their favorites two extraordinary candidates – Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton -- who are both extra-ordinary individuals in many, many ways.

They chose them out of a field of exemplary candidates for the Democratic nomination for President, who in other years would have had been excellent choices in their own right.

That these voters chose a black man and a white woman over so many outstanding white men is something of which we can all be proud. It illustrates what is good about America, at a time when many find it hard to see the good. It demonstrates that we can overcome historic prejudices, that we can change deeply buried values and attitudes, that we can look beyond the surface to see the substance.

The significance of this has been buried in hot and heavy campaign rhetoric -- magnified by media who feed off of blood -- which has left bruised feelings in its wake. Is has led to comparisons of race and gender as handicaps and as platforms in ways that benefit neither candidate and neither demographic group.

Weighing sexism against racism will always be futile because there is no way of measuring either. Indicia are at best imperfect and particularly hard to discern when hidden by the fear of making socially unacceptable statements.

What we do know is that in the span of U.S. history, rights and opportunities for women and for blacks have generally gone in tandem, but those for blacks have usually moved forward first. Whichever group moves first inspires others who want a fair share. Many of the individuals who risk their lives, their careers, their health and their fortunes to advance opportunities for one group have generally gone on to do so for the other.

There are exceptions. During the Progressive era, women’s rights advanced while those of blacks retrogressed. After World War II, women were sent home, while long-shut doors were just beginning to open for African-Americans. In both cases, each group learned from the other and eventually followed suit.

As candidates for President, Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama stand on the shoulders of many who have gone before. Between 1964 and 2004, over fifty women ran for President. Most were unknown, but all advanced the cause of women as potential Presidential candidates by being seen and speaking out. Fewer blacks have run for President, but they probably achieved the same impact through more publicity.

They also are reaping the promise and the victories of the civil rights movement of the 1950s and 1960s, and the women’s liberation movement of the 1960s and 1970s.

Comparing the problems and possibilities of women and African American candidates is a little like comparing apples and oranges. Women start with a larger demographic base (there are more women than blacks), but it’s less cohesive (women are less likely to vote their gender than blacks are to vote their race). Outside the Democratic electorate, partisanship divides women, while it has a minor effect on the black vote.

Both Hillary and Obama have sought to transcend gender and race in order to convince the voters that each can be the President of all the people. In this Obama has succeeded more than Hillary.

Hillary has been a Rorschach test in ways that Obama simply isn’t. Men and women both project onto her their hopes and fears about strong women and women in leadership roles. Whatever fears whites had about blacks in leadership positions have been mostly worn away with time and experience, leaving Obama to inherit the hope.

Obama, on the other hand, will always be haunted by the specter of hidden racism – the kind that people don’t express publicly, often not even to pollsters. Because it is still more socially acceptable to make sexist statements than racist ones, Hillary has been the brunt of a lot of bad jokes, while Obama and his supporters must always wonder what lurks in people’s minds that they do not say – but might act upon.

Nonetheless, the fact that the Democratic primary voters chose these two candidates to be their choice for President in state after state tells us that something has changed in America, for the better. I don’t think that change happened this year. I think the turning point in the acceptability (or rather non-acceptability) of racism and sexism happened sometime in the 1990s, and that this campaign is the first opportunity that Americans have had to demonstrate that change nationally in a highly visible manner.

I pick the 1990s not because of any polls or statistics, but because of a lot of anecdotes which told me that some sort of threshold had been crossed. Nor do I think there was any particular event in the 1990s which caused it.

Rather I believe that a fundamental change in attitudes toward race and sex were a hard-won result of the social movements of the 1960s – the ones the right wing so often demonizes as leading to America’s downfall. The youth of those days are the seniors of these days; they and the generations that followed see the world differently than earlier generations.

We have a precedent for this kind of change in the Democratic nominees who were Catholic. When Al Smith ran in 1928, anti-Catholic sentiment was open and raw. Though we don't have scientific polls for that year, general sentiment was that his religion contributed significantly to his loss, especially in the traditionally Democratic South.

When Kennedy ran in 1960, his religion was questioned, but anti-Catholic sentiments were small and subdued. He won, though not by much. When Kerry ran in 2004, most people didn't know he was a Catholic. In 2008, one of the Republican wannabes was Catholic (at least in name); the only negative response I saw was that he defied his Church by being pro-choice.

I think sex and race are where Catholicism was in 1960 -- still a concern, but not an overwhelming one. The Democratic nominee will need to address the issue, as Kennedy did, but the American people will listen.

The 2008 campaign for the Democratic nomination will be something to celebrate long after the wounds are forgotten.

This is the election I’ve been working for my entire life.

環海公路138.5: 1993最後的春天

顧燕翎

　　良儒，在你決然離去之後，我才用心地去尋你、讀你（文章）、聽你（錄音帶），感受與你的親近和失去你的哀傷。

站在老師的位置上，我為自己的遲鈍疏忽愧悔不已。若早一點仔細聽見你、看見你，早一點主動走近你，我可有能力挽回你堅決的心意？這個看似永遠無解的問題將是縈繞終身的遺憾。
　
　　這學期你來修課，才開始和你相遇。你總是坐在第二排右邊，低著頭聽別人說話。課堂上不乏喜歡高談濶論的學生，而你卻靜默地不引人注意。可是你的期中報告“女性主義的哲學性思考”卻是那樣出色，清明週詳的思路和毫不妥協的堅持：“這應該是可行且就該是這樣的。”是如此扣人心弦。讀學生的報告時，曾興起和作者們個別談談的念頭，但是課程的安排和學生的人數似乎不容許這樣的時間，再說在一個理工大學裡，通識一向被放在邊緣、隨時可替代的位置，老師和學生間多少存有互不歸屬的距離。

　　然而，如果我夠用心，可以早半年認識你的──從你主編的刊物。但那時我正擔任教師會會長，忙著推動大學校長遴選，為國內第一次遴選建立制度，忙得錯過了早一點看見你、愛你、和關心你。事後看來，就是因為缺少一點人心的關愛和真誠，再完備的制度也終究難免流於人謀不臧，成為個人慾望的禁臠吧。曾經汲汲於建立完美制度的同儕們多年後看到校園的權力鬥爭是否會有諸事操之在”人”的醒悟？

　　失去你之後更真切感覺到，大學教育沒有比學生更重要，比人更寶貴的了，而我們的學生管理制度非但不完美，還因為圖省時、方便，偏偏漠視個人。敏感如你者，可能不焦慮、不反抗嗎？曾經在研究室拾起一張從門縫塞進來的單張，仿效“學生獎懲辦法”寫成的“教師獎懲辦法”，有意彰顯前者的荒謬可笑，後來聽說是你的作品，還有一些類似的文字，卻再也看不到了。你走前是懷著何等心情消毀電腦中所有的存檔？不想和這荒唐的世界再有瓜葛？

　　回想起來，我們最可能靠近的，是你來我家借書的那次吧？你準時來按鈴，我拿書到門口，請你進來坐坐，你低著頭說：“不用了。”暮色中沒細看你的表情，也沒再留你。當時若告訴你，只我一人在家，若多邀一下，你會進門嗎？你會揭開那對好友也深鎖的心扉，允許我進入嗎？後來你的朋友告訴我，到老師家借書，對你而言是不尋常的舉動，難道你的本能──久被那超人般的理性所抑制──在試圖發出呼救的訊息，而我竟疏忽了？
你的驟然離去未在校園投下任何漣漪，大多數師生不知你曾來過，也不知你已遠離，這或許正如你所願吧？校內通訊依舊充斥著球賽得獎之類的學生消息，對於有損“校譽”和可能影響招生的事總是避之唯恐不及。另一位同學已失蹤三個月，也未十分引起關注。對於“常人”而言，你們只不過是統計數字中的小數點罷了，是“個性孤僻”的適應不良者。可是我卻明白你是極其珍貴的少數，不幸的是，平庸者所設計的平庸制度卻逼使你感到無容身之地，而庸碌的我寄身於那個制度，任憑惡質教育糟蹋人，沒有積極為你這樣的學生爭取生存空間，是害怕被貼標籤，被扭曲為個人恩怨，或根本無力對抗？

　　有些老師說你總迴避和他們談話，我可以感受到你的心情，因為當我向同事吐露失去你的悲哀時，有人竟從技術觀點質疑你是否自殺，纒辯不休，我真的很想掉頭就走，以後再也不願跟人多說了。良儒，當你佇立在環海公路138.5公里處的岸邊，1993年那個最後的春天，你有沒有想到，正因為生存是如此惘然和無助，我們才更需要你並肩奮戰啊，你何忍棄我們而去？

　　別人說你內向、躱避人群，可是在好友當中，我看到你活潑可愛的一面。我找你們社團來我家玩，請你聯絡，你高興代辦了，後來我改時間，沒說清楚，耽誤了兩星期，期間你還打電話來，絮絮叨叨訴說學校拖吊學生機車，未按規則行事，逕行罰款，說到一半，你的門鈴響了，也就掛了電話。那天晚上，你們騎機車來我家，你興緻勃勃，細長的鳳眼閃著光芒，話很多，連竹筷上的金屬頭都可以議論一番。別人漸漸因事離去，你和茂良留到最後，我送你們到門口，叮嚀小心騎車。第二天我和先生仍回味無窮地談到你，感謝你父母生出這麼優秀的兒子，談到得英才而教的快樂，他喟嘆，這麼清楚的頭腦學數學多好啊！卻沒料到你已騎著機車，遠赴東海岸了。

　　你的朋友們出奇地平靜，他們難過，卻諒解你“求仁得仁”。對你們這些認真思考、認真生活的孩子而言，現實的確荒謬無奈吧。你系上的老師知道你功課好，卻不大認識常翹課的你，更不懂為什麼名校名系的資優生居然活不下去。校方想從感情的角度找答案，看了你給女友的信件後說不像感情問題，便認定你是休學受阻而輕生。可是，良儒，我不甘心你就這樣倏地消失了──來不及讓我抱一抱，來不及告訴你我喜歡你。回過頭去拼揍記憶，感受你的敏銳、熱情、認真、執著。良儒，你太快燃燒完自己，沒有得到應有的回饋與幫助，令身為老師的我疼惜不已。為什麼失去的是如此心愛的？為什麼覺悟總是遲到？

　　愧惜以外，我還憤怒，憤怒在你的文章中找不到你的身體和感覺，憤怒你全盤信了西方哲學思維傳統的二分法──那些男性哲學家無償占用女性身體和勞務之後的空言，那些企圖轉化血肉之軀為烈士的誑語──果決勇敢地完成了意志和身體的分割，也因此才有效執行了卡繆所謂的“哲學性自殺”，藉由“處決自己的生命來成就自由意志以及避免異化。”然而，親愛的良儒，你雖倡言以行動克服“異化”，可是當你與肉身對立，以超強的意志來壓抑肉體的“反叛”和痛苦時，這種與己身為敵的作法不是跟自我最大的疏離嗎？聰明如你，竟然讓“概念吃掉了生活”（你學長說他曾有此經歷），是因為你不知不覺中繼承了傳統男性積習，將生命和生活交給女人去維持，以致全心灌注於那些偉大抽象的思想，而忽略了自己的身與心？是否因為認真、執著地苦尋存在的意義，而失去了享樂和生活的能力？貧乏封閉的大學為你這樣思考活躍、感覺靈敏的孩子提供了多少活路？

　　抽象思想能力固然是人類極致的成就，但是若不能將自我──身體、感覺、生活融入知的過程，避免思想、感受、生活的分割決裂，又如何能統合矛盾分裂的知識，忍受生命中諸多衝突和無解？當我們不斷讚賞你思考的精純與意志的堅定，而沒有擁抱你的身體時，不是也在推你走向自我分裂？甚至我最先看到的你不也是提煉過的文字，而不是有血有肉的人？

　　我和你的好友們去你的家鄉參加葬禮，那個你試圖讓自己全然消失，不被找到，想要迴避的場面。南部的艷陽天，電子花車，穿著花俏短裙的女子樂隊，高亢尖銳的喇叭聲。你的父母坐在長板凳的兩頭，各自垂淚。我走過去，緊緊抱住他們，想擁抱你那樣。之後，他們挪近了，抱在一起，很久很久。人生或許可以這麼簡單？是我們在庸人自擾？

　　良儒，我在準備“女性主義知識論”單元時，心中一直想到你，想你會對這個主題有興趣，想你會有什麼反應，孰料就在打講義時，接到你的噩耗。良儒，有點怨你，為什麼不多等一等，多讀一些女性主義，多開發一些你的身體和感覺，感受人、已、物的交融？或者已經不是透過理性思考，而是需要震撼生命的感動或刺激，才能改變你。你為什麼不耐心一點，多給自己一點時間和機會，不過早下結論？

　　往事不堪追悔，不過，良儒，在我們短暫的交集中，你以生命啟示了我全人教育的意義。雖然此生中不再有你的音容，不復與你切磋，但我在每個學生身上捕捉你的身影，將未及給你的愛施與他們，努力縫合他們的身與腦。幸好他們活著，也都能立即回饋，這是我最感激也最感動的事。
（本文初稿發表於1993年7月19日《自立早報》）

花香路: 瓦哈卡. 母親山脈. 雲人. 的故事

顧裕光（顧燕翎譯）

　　2007年夏天我和伙伴回到瓦哈卡(Oaxaca)，伊瑪邀我們去看她的新房子，在當時的環境裡，這是雙重的喜事。

　　1987年去瓦哈卡渡假，就愛上了這個地方，墨西哥南方的殖民小城，位於首都墨西哥市東南約320公里。後來我發現瓦哈卡頗似雲南：多種原住民族，起伏的山陵，多元文化和各種飲食。在西班牙人入侵之前的阿茲特克帝國時代，瓦哈卡人被稱為“雲人”，因為他們住在雲霧繚繞的山上，美麗神祕如雲。

　　之後我們總設法回到瓦哈卡渡假，每回必定造訪旅遊局，在那兒認識了伊瑪，一位基層的職員，友善親切，後來成為朋友。

　　那時伊瑪二十多歲。熟了之後，知道了她的故事。她高三到美國去做交換學生，愛上了當地人，短暫的婚姻以分居收場，懷孕的她回到娘家，平民區一棟簡陋的房子，靠近公墓。伊瑪生下了女兒，兩個人擠在娘家的小房間一住就是十八年。

　　伊瑪勤奮工作，送女兒去唸好學校，雖然與父母相處很好，還是夢想有朝一日像朋友們一樣有一個屬於自己和女兒的家。終於，到了2002年，她存了足夠的錢付得起頭期款，也有了足夠的社會安全積分，有資格申請房屋貸款了。

　　她面臨兩個選擇，一是購買政府已經蓋好的公屋，通常是狹小簡單的連棟式房屋；或者可以買一塊地，限制預算，找人設計、建造。當然後者聽來不錯，困難度卻較高，有經驗的人都知道和包商打交道之不易，不過伊瑪選擇了後者。

　　2002年春天，伊瑪帶我們去看她的土地，真的是前不著村後不落店，在一個名叫瓦亞旁帕的小村鎮外圍，從瓦哈卡開車過去要二十分鐘，坐公車四十分鐘。瓦亞旁帕位於貫穿墨西哥南北的母親山脈(Sierra Madre)山腳下，附近的農田大都因乏人照顧而荒蕪，大部份青壯人口都遠離家鄉去墨西哥北部或者美國討生活、謀出路。

　　伊瑪的地在一個小山坡頂上，建地的後方有一棵樹，離預定道路約十三公尺。伊瑪決定留下這棵樹，新房子繞著樹建築，在房子前面再種一棵樹，一棵一年四季開花的樹，這樣每天下班回來就可以看到一樹美麗的花朵。

　　不幸接下來的五年中問題紛至，州政府拚錯了她的名字，申請貸款拖了整整一年，終被拒絕。好不容易解決了名字的問題，得到許可，她必須到附近的村莊向長老們申請同意她使用水電，還要先付上一筆請求考慮的費用。她等了又等，有了長老的同意，才能去申請水電，之後才能申請建築許可，然後是每一期的建屋貸款。村中老人始終把她視為外人，他們就是不相信城裡來的女人。

　　伊瑪始終不放棄夢想，在這段等待期，她每個星期天望完彌撒後必定造訪她未來的家園。要是有朋友願意載她一程，她就搭便車，不然她就走大約一公里的路到公路旁，坐上往瓦亞旁帕的公車，下車後再走二十分鐘到目的地。公車上坐的都是瓦亞旁帕的村婦，剛剛在瓦哈卡採買了零星的日用品回家。伊瑪則是始終不逾地拎著一桶水，這桶水用來澆灌門口那株小樹，那株她期待有一天會長高、長大、花開滿枝的小樹。若是下雨，她就不需提水了，但得跋涉泥濘，說到這裡她開心地笑了，仿佛感謝上天恩賜的雨水和泥淖。

　　2006年春，村中的幾戶農家將土地賣給開發商，附近開始大興土木，長老們終於同意她可以申請水電，政府也批准了貸款。不幸的是，壞消息接踵而至，瓦哈卡教師罷工而引發連串動亂，持續了半年之久，罷工者一度放火燒掉公車，占領政府建築，包括住宅局的辦公處所。整整半年，市中心不見警察踪影，市威者阻塞了街道或者占據了辦公廳，伊瑪根本沒法進到房貸部門的辦公室。混亂情況從六月持續到十二月，新選出來的墨西哥總統終於採取了強硬的手段讓局勢穩定下來。

　　在萬事不順中，幸好伊瑪有一位建築師朋友，幫她設計和監造房子，緊緊控制住預算。

　　2007年七月，經歷過漫長和艱困的五個年頭，房子總算完工了，伊瑪邀我們參觀新居。

　　伊瑪的父母先在他們家招待我們午餐，舉起龍舌蘭酒慶祝兩大喜事：房子完工了，瓦哈卡的動亂看來也已經過去了。接著我們在濛濛細雨中開車去瓦亞旁帕。離開公路後，我們到了鄉間，轉入小路。兩旁的景色與2002年初次來訪時大不相同，處處可見新蓋的房子，很多都只造了一半，在墨西哥鄉間這是極為常見的景象，房子建了一半，錢用完了，只好等上幾年，存夠了錢，或者等遠赴美國工作的親戚寄錢來，再蓋下去。

　　我們轉到一條泥巴路，名為花香路，是伊瑪取的名字。因為她是頭一個在此建屋的屋主，所以有權為新路命名。我們一下車，就有一條瘦巴巴的狗衝了過來，伊瑪說這是鄰居的狗，整夜叫個不停，不過平時倒也不煩人。她鄰居的房子沒有窗戶──在原本該裝窗子的牆面上留下兩個大洞──等到有錢再裝。伊瑪則有如假包換的窗子，她打開鐵絲網圍籬的門，我們進入她家的前院。

　　樹就立在那兒，我差點擦身而過，沒看到它。就是這棵樹，我提醒自己。一棵又小又矮的樹，上面掛著幾片葉子，一朵花也沒有，立在尚未清除的建築廢料堆中。五年了，至少兩百桶水，長出了這棵樹。

　　我們進屋參觀──嚴格說，只能算屋子的殼。房子剛建好，沒有裝潢，也沒有家具。幾天前神父才來行過法事，她打算再過幾天冰箱和爐台裝好後就搬進來。灰色的水泥牆未經上石灰和粉刷，燈炮隨意垂掛著，看來暗淡而憂傷。一樓是起居室和與餐廳相連的廚房，樓上有兩個小房間，伊瑪和女兒的臥房，只是女兒已經長大，到外地去唸大學了。伊瑪臥室外面有一個頗大的陽台，當地所有新建的房子和瓦哈卡城都隱藏在房子背面，這裡，在伊瑪的陽台上，只看得見青綠的母親山脈。
　　
　　天色灰暗，飄著雨絲，厚厚的雲層低低壓在山上，空氣濕冷。真是遙遠又寂寥的所在。依瑪擔心工作不保也怕付不起每月房貸，但她還是盡心招待我們，感謝我們的關心，感謝我們在這麼壞的天氣來到她這麼簡陋的屋子。

　　我千里迢迢來到這裡。瓦哈卡，母親山脈，雲人。一條名叫花香路的泥徑，四處亂竄的野狗。後院一株老樹，前門邊立著一棵被寄予厚望的小樹。伊瑪穿著單薄的夏衫在冷雨中哆嗦著。


　　她笑了。

　　她終於有了家。

Road of Flor de Cacao: Oaxaca. the Sierra Madre mountains. cloud people

Yue-Kuang Ku

　　Irma invited us to see her new house when we went to Oaxaca in July of 2007. Under the current circumstances, this was a doubly happy event.　

　　We went to Oaxaca on vacation in 1987 and fell in love with it. Oaxaca 瓦哈卡 is a small colonial town in southern Mexico, some 200 miles southeast of Mexico City. It is, I learned later, much like Yuen-Nan 雲南 , with multiple indigenous groups, mountainous terrain, diversified culture and cuisine. In the old Aztec days, the Oaxacans were called the "cloud people" because they lived in the mountain terrain surrounded by clouds, and because they were beautiful and mysterious as clouds.

　　We vacationed in Oaxaca whenever we could, and visited the tourist office every time we were there. And there we met Irma. She worked for the state tourist office as a low rank clerk. She was always friendly and helpful, eventually we became friends with her.

　　Irma was in her mid-20's at that time. After we became friends she told us her story. She fell in love and married when she was 18. Her marriage failed shortly after and Irma, pregnant, moved back to her parents' home. It was a simple house in a modest neighborhood two blocks from the city cemetery. Irma gave birth to a daughter and the two of them shared a small bedroom for the next 18 years.

　　Irma worked hard at her job and pushed her daughter to get a good education. Even though she loved her parents dearly, her dream was to have a home of her own, like all her friends did. Eventually, in 2002, she saved up enough money for the down payment and earned enough social security points to apply for a housing project loan.

　　She had two options for the home loan. One is to purchase an existing public housing unit. They are usually row houses, simple and very small. The other is to buy a piece of land, have your own design (under a certain budget), then hire someone to build it for you. The second one certainly sounds better but, as any one who has dealt with contractors would know, this could be difficult. Irma chose the second one.

　　In the spring of 2002, Irma took us out to see her piece of land. It was really in the middle of nowhere. It was outside of a small town called Huayapan, which is about 20 minutes by car from Oaxaca, or 40 minutes by bus. Huayapan is at the foot of the big mountains of Sierra Madre. Sadly to say, the farmlands in this area were poorly attended, as most of the young men left for big cities in northern Mexico or to the States, seeking better opportunities for their future.

　　Irma's plot was on the top of a gentle slope. There was a tree on the back of the property, some 40 feet from the street that was to be. Irma said she would keep the tree and plan the construction of the new house around it. And she wanted to plant another tree in front of the house-- A tree that would be covered with flowers throughout the year. Then, she would be greeted by the flowers when she returned home from work at the end of each day.

　　For the next five years, however, Irma had nothing but trouble. The state government misspelled her name and her loan application dragged on for a year and then was declined. After she fixed that problem, she had to go to the village and plead with the elders to allow her to apply for water and electricity, and she had to pay them to "consider her case". She waited and waited for the elders to approve her case so she could apply for water and electricity and then apply for construction permission and then apply for the loan to start building her house. The old men of the village treated her as an "outsider", even though she lived only 20 miles away. They just would not trust a young woman from the city.

　　During this entire time, Irma carried on her weekly visit to her future home on the weekend. When one of her friends could give her a ride in their car, she would go with them. Otherwise she would walk half a mile from her parents' house to the highway, get on the bus to Huayapan, and walk another 20 minutes to her property. She would get on the bus with people from villages from the Huayapan area. The village women returning home with their meager shopping from the city, and Irma with a bucket of water. She carried this bucket of water to water her young tree that someday, she hoped, would blossom. On a rainy weekend, she would still try to go visit her tree. She would not have to carry water with her, but she would have to walk through the mud. She laughed light heartedly, as she revered the scene of her struggling through the rain and mud.

　　In early 2006 several farmers in the village sold their land to developers. Construction was going on throughout the area, and the village elders finally OK'd her case and the government approved her loan application. The good news, however, was overshadowed by the "Riots of 2006" when Oaxaca went through a period of six months of social unrest. At one point the strikers set city buses on fire and occupied government buildings, including the one where the housing department was located. For six months there were no city police to be found throughout the entire downtown area. Often Irma could not get into the building of the loan office because the street was blocked or the building was taken over by the strikers. The situation continued from mid-June till early December when the new president of Mexico took firm actions to settle the chaos.

　　One good thing throughout all this was that Irma had a good friend who was an architect. He helped her with the design, supervised the construction, and kept everything within the tight budget.

　　In July of 2007, after 5 long and hard years, Irma's house was finally built and she invited us to see it.

　　We had lunch with her parents at their home, toasting mezcal 龍舌蘭酒 to this doubly happy event-- Irma's house was built, and the troubles of Oaxaca seemed to be over. Then we drove out in the misty rain to Huayapan. Turning off from the highway, we were in the country area. Then we turned onto a narrow road. I could hardly remember this from our first visit in 2002. There were so many new homes in the area now. Many of them were half finished-- a common sight in rural Mexico. People tried to build their homes but ran out of money, so they had to wait for a few more years to save enough money or wait for their relatives in the US to send money for them to finish the construction.

　　We turned on to a dirt road, named "Road of Flor de Cacao" by Irma -- She earned the officially right to name the street because she was the first owner of any plots in this neighborhood. We got out of the car and a skinny dog ran to us. She told us the dog belonged to her neighbors and it barked all night long but otherwise did not bother people. Her neighbor's house did not have windows-- just some big holes in the wall where the windows should be-- because they could not afford to put in windows yet. Irma had real windows. She opened the gate of a chain-link fence and we were in her front yard.

　　There, I almost missed it. So this is the tree, I said to myself. A short skinny tree with few leaves and no flowers, standing amongst the construction garbage that had not been cleared out yet. After five years and at least 200 buckets of water, here, the tree stood.

　　We toured the house-- or, the structure of the house. The construction was just finished but there was no decoration or furnishing. Irma's priest came out a few days ago to bless the house, and she would move in after the stove and refrigerator were installed in a few more days. The grey cement walls and a few hanging light bulbs made the rooms look dreary. The living room and dining room/kitchen were on the first floor. Two small bedrooms were on the second floor, one for Irma and one for her daughter who was in college in another city by now. Stepping out of Irma's bedroom, there was a rather large balcony. The new houses in this area and the city of Oaxaca were on the opposite direction of this balcony. Here, from her balcony, she saw only the Sierra Madre mountains.

　　It was a grey day with soft drizzles; low clouds hugging the mountains. The air was cold and damp. The place seemed remote and lonely. Irma worried about her job in tourism and her ability to pay the monthly loan. But she was a kind and graceful host. She thanked us for our moral support and our coming out on a bad day like this to visit her barely finished home.

　　There I was. Oaxaca, mountains, cloud people. A muddy street named Flor de Cacao with strayed dogs wandering around. An old tree in the back yard and a young tree standing hopefully by the front gate. Irma in her thin summer dress shivered in the cold rain.

　　She smiled.

　　She was happily home.