In Memory of my Father

             and the Life and Times of the Last Generation

Yenlin Ku顧燕翎

Dad passed away in the evening of June 6^th this year, at the age of 93 (1923-2016). The last leg of his earthly journey was quiet and peaceful.  We chose to care for him at home so that he could be close to the family. Ms. Wu, our professional and caring home hospice nurse, made regular visits, initially once a week, and as dad’s condition deteriorated increased her visiting frequency.

 Dad stayed clear-minded until drifting in and out of consciousness in the last two days. Well-informed by his doctor of his medical condition from early on, he faced it with courage and grace. Always being considerate of others, he strove to maintain a normal family life in spite of his own discomfort. In the last few months we took turns caring for him day and night. He often told us his appreciation, and, in the meantime, tried to cheer up mom, his sweetheart for more than 70 years. Getting physically weaker by the day, he still tried to make our job easier by helping himself such as turning in bed to avoid getting bed sores. Not a person who joked often, he maintained his sharpness and sense of humor to the end. In the final days when Ms. Wu told him that time was running out and asked if there was anyone he would like to see. He replied: Ms. Wu.

Dad grew up in the turbulent years of civil wars and Japanese invasion of China.  Leaving home on the eastern shore at 16 with his older brother to escape Japanese occupation, he joined the army in inland Jiangxi. His brother, staying in the army, was killed in a battle at the age of 25 one month before the Japanese surrendered. Dad, leaving Jiangxi earlier due to illness, went to the interior province Sichuan, where he entered the war-time Jiangsu Provincial Associated Joint High School and became a classmate of mom. Upon graduation, dad was admitted to the Chinese Air Force Mechanical Academy and later sent to the US to study airplane mechanics and engines. He had a good time in the US and graduated with honors. Maintaining a strong interest in mechanics, he taught at the Air Force Mechanical Academy in Taiwan, going on lecture tours at air force bases. During the era of material shortage in the 1950’s, he was proud that he could teach a large class without a microphone. Dad was fond of cars and airplanes. We could always find an airplane model in his car. A small airplane with a turning propeller, a gift from my sister Meiling, hung on the window vent of his last car. Last September, at the age of 92, he passed the driver license renewal test with high scores.

Dad usually did not read books unless he had to.  Preferring to think things through and figure them out by himself, he had a wide range of interests: photography, soccer, cycling, cooking, bridge game, .... Whatever he got his hands on he would do it well. Regretfully, with the many responsibilities in life, he was unable to explore any of these at will, nor to realize the detective dream he once held. In his sickbed, he recalled the bike competition that he took my sister Wheilin to at the Academy.  He got the first place for both the top speed and the lowest speed races, cheered and applauded by his little daughter. Sixty years later he still beamed with smile when talking about it.

As most Chinese people of the 20^th Century, dad had suffered from wars and poverty, but overall he lived a fulfilled life surrounded by loving family and friends. After he fell ill, my brother Yuekuang moved from Florida to California to care for him and mom. In March Wheilin’s two daughters flew in from the east coast to be with him. Wheilin’s son, in the same city, often stopped by to visit grandpa. These American-born kids made efforts to chat with him in Chinese and brought him great contentment.

Grieving over father’s death, I come to find out that he has not really left us. He lives on in our hearts and brings us closer in our memory of him. I saw father in the eyes of my brother and sisters and heard him in their laughter. His life is continued by each and every one of us. And, I wish, so are his valuable qualities: kindness, wisdom, integrity, …. Living in a world safer and more resourceful than his, I wish we and others could pursue our dreams the way he could never dreamed of.  

Illustrated by great grandson Christopher James Dunlop; 曾孫鄧思杰繪圖

As Time Goes By-- A Love Story

Yue-kuang Ku顧裕光

China was invaded by Japanese military force in 1937 and mom, just graduated from elementary school, started the long journey of escaping from Nanjing, Jiangsu province to Sichuan province (about 1,000 miles west) with her parents. 

Dad had a even harder deal. He managed to make it by himself all the way to Sichuan, at the tender age of 14, with the initial help of an elder cousin. Eventually mom and dad met in 1941 when they both attended the Jiangsu Provincial Associated joint High School. It was basically a government boarding school for the kids left home without their parents during the war.

After graduating from high school, dad was accepted by the Chinese Air Force Mechanical Academy, and later (in 1945) was sent to the US to study airplane mechanics and engines. He graduated with high honors. Upon returning to China, he married mom in 1947 in Chongching, Sichuan.

The first photo was taken on their wedding day in Chongching. A very sharp young couple drew the attention of the local folks. 

懷念父親 In memory of my father

顧燕翎2016/6/15

　　

　　爸爸6月6日傍晚過世了，享年93 (1923-2016)。

    　爸的最後一段路平靜安詳，我們選擇了居家安寧照顧，居家服務公司派護士定期探視，我們的護士吳小姐來自台灣，很專業又有愛心。視情況每週來一次到每天一次。

   　 老爸最後兩天進入彌留期之前頭腦都十分清醒，他的病情醫生自始據實以告，他坦然面對，在病痛中仍顧念家人，維持居家生活的平穩和樂。幾個月來我們在病榻旁輪流照顧，他都很體諒，努力配合，即使體力日衰，也儘量自己翻身，避免褥瘡，還不時設法安慰傷心的老媽。他不常說笑話，卻應對敏銳，未失幽默感。在最後的時日，吳小姐問他，時間不多了，你還有什麼想見的人，他說：吳小姐。