畫像1 畫像2

遊民畫家泊仔送的畫像,在左圖中白鳥的右下方,就是他自己。

  我想我是一個認真的人,有時候到了嚴肅的地步。還記得剛入小學的第一課就是ㄅㄆㄇㄈ,老師說下週要考,可是一週過去了,我還沒全學會,急得不得了,回家就發燒了,媽媽還得幫我惡補。下星期老師竟然完全忘了考試這回事!而我至今餘悸猶存。
  最近一位好友退休,她在嚴肅這件事上比我更勝一籌,在我們為她舉行的餐會中一絲不苟地討論未來生活的意義,我勸她不必急,不妨先混一混。李豐(寫《我賺了四十年》的那位台大醫師)在電話上聽了我的轉述,大笑道:「你混得怎樣?」我說:「不錯啊!」她卻不以為然:「我聽妳聲音就知道妳還是那樣,說話太快了!」幾十年來她一直勸我慢下來。慢才能品味生活,才能靜攬人生,才能修鍊身心。
  不僅需要調整步調,我也想改變自己的寫作風格,輕鬆一點,閒適一點,更多一點生活,多一點感覺。渴望有自己的部落格,不被字數、時尚、市場、刊物風格、主編好惡綁住。大部分是為自己寫吧,也為了分享,至於未來,就交給上天了。 email: yenlinku@mail2000.com.tw
 

2008-03-25

我舞故我在:與彩虹生命講堂的Selina 和 Tad 老師談跳舞

   
顧燕翎(序)女書出版

彩虹生命講堂

  此文中的“我”是單數,也是複數;是第一人稱,也是第三人稱。

  “我”究竟是誰?我要如何認識自己?我的生命功課是什麼?

  自呱呱墜地,我就無可逃遁地受到文化的、社會的種種制約,我早已不再是我,而變成社會習氣的累積。我自以為活著,自以為頭腦清明地做抉擇,但若缺乏自我觀照,我其實沒有一分一秒在做自己,或者明白自己在做什麼,一切做為或抉擇只是習氣的反應而已。在某些機緣之下,我於是有意識或無意識地暫時逃離,透過各種歷練和方法來認識或釋放自己。對作者而言,認識自己最強烈的方法就是阿根廷探戈,尤其是擺脫在地的制約,到國外去跳舞,展現自己最真實、最柔軟、最有魅力的狀態。


  作者覺知到,她受到阿根廷探戈音樂的勾引,被這份感覺所觸動,並不是被動的反應,而是一個內外共振的過程,若她內在不具有一份跳舞的渴望,就不會被跳舞的音樂所牽引。我可以藉由千百種方式來了解自己:種花、耕田、呼吸、算命、跳舞… ,無論那一種途徑,都是透過一個假借的觀點來回觀自己,經由折射的過程,增加自我覺知的深度與廣度。例如,種花讓我歷經了春夏秋冬的季節性變化,波段性的宇宙過程相應到自己的個性,而體會到自己的多重層面,延伸了當初對自己的單一認知。作者也在追尋阿根廷探戈的源起過程中去認識自己,並建構自己的詮釋系統。

  然而,若缺乏往內觀省的能力,將焦點放在外在物件上,便也極易因為固著於某一種觀點或關係而忽略了其他所有同時存在的發生和關係。例如,當我的交通工具是摩托車的時候,我只注意到摩托車修理店,一旦我成為開車族,我的焦點便轉移到汽車維修廠。理性只是生命的一個小區塊,當我帶著腦袋做事,而不是用生命在做事,我永遠都設定了一個焦點,而錯失了認識不同的我的機會,也因而流失了大部分生命的能量。若在被探戈勾住的過程中,我開始反思自己,發現自己被單一焦點勾住的嚴重性,於是便有機會同時看到不同的東西,拉開理性的認知,去認識自己的情緒體,認識生命中的其他區塊:不同的我,柔軟的我…,因而讓我更具有覺知能力,於每一秒都清醒地活著。


  從學習自發功的經驗可以窺知人的無限潛能,一旦完全放鬆,溶入當下,我隨時可以跳探戈,不必學習。是原有的制約和對探戈的想像阻礙了我與內在能量的聯結,而失去了行動的能力。探戈的原初本是一群人的隨興起舞,舞步和舞序不過是前人經驗的累積和後人制定的典範系統。然而詮釋方法越多,人就越偏離生命,花太多時間在講、在想。當音樂響起,我卻在想:要不要跳?對不對?丟不丟臉?音樂結束了,還沒有跳舞,時間也就過去了。理性詮釋往往將我們帶離了行動,其實思維只是帶我們去分辨生命過程的某一部分能量而已。人因行動而存在,然而現代人都在思維,被自己的思維框住,失去了行動力,也使得生命變得僵硬無趣。

  生命與理性有時是互相衝突的,理性要的是結果,生命要的卻是過程,因為所有生命的結果都是相同的:死亡而已。因此我需要學習放掉理性,鍛鍊與內在力量的聯結,瞬間想到就去行動,就像練自發功一樣,一旦做了就能夠分辨。身體自會分辨什麼是探戈。放任身體去跳舞,讓理性一旁觀看和享受這當下。在放任自己的過程中,我逐漸學習信任自己,達到思考與行動的平衡。


  由於害怕社會的失序或失控,所有的文化都在進行對個人的制約,對言行的規範。然而,生命有限,真正的智慧為了追求更大的目的──認識自己,與大我合一-─必然珍惜生命力,而不得不節省慾望,自然而然走向規範,所以無所謂壓抑,無所謂忍耐。人若想要認識自己,終究會問:我要如何在有限的生命中去探索自己無限的成長。生命苦短,為了追求生命最大的美好,留下珍貴的痕跡,我必然會自我珍惜,做我最想做的事,所以真正的智慧不在於如何追求,而在於如何節省生命力,因此不可能落入自我放縱的泥淖。
 
  在雙人探戈中,我面對的不只是自己的規範和制約,還加上對方的。兩人在拉扯的過程中,漸漸體會到強弱的細膩互動,於是可退讓的部分增加,界線不再那麼清晰,身體的彈性出來了,達到更為和諧與忘我的境地。這種全然的放鬆不是靠大腦想的,而是身體的自然反應。共舞的雙方都需要放下理性和思考,信任身體的記憶功能比大腦好,信任自己,也信任對方,自然地被帶領,而感到全然安全和愉悅。越好的技巧,需要學會越大的放鬆。當雙方柔軟的狀況達到共同的和諧,理性與感性的能量臻於平衡時,大腦並未缺席,只是它不再是操控者,而是與一切的瞬間共同並存:音樂、你我的波動、牆壁桌椅的波頻…,享受當下全然共振的感受,所以在那一刻,腦袋是在跟一切存在共舞。非僅如此,在這全然的和諧以及快感的極致中,跳舞的已經不是個體的你我,而是整體的大我。

  從生命未來學的觀點,西元0-1999年是人類歷經整體理性開發的過程,個人生命的成功在於能夠證明自己是強者。在權力導向的陽剛體系中,女性不是變成男性框架中,被男性文化定義和制約的一環,就是變得更像男性,才能獲得出路,所以女性汲汲於尋求男性認同。然而無論是強者或成功者,都不過是在一個理性的有限體系之下,表現出最大的生命力。2000年之後,人類歷經了前所未有的世代轉移,開始渴望認識自己的陰柔面、柔軟面。生命力變得柔軟的時候,可以呈現任何狀況,當我覺知自己的力量和潛力時,何需向任何人說明或證明?不需要證明仍能存在,才是真正存在。有幸生活於2000年後,今天的我不需要像《最後的十四堂課》中那位瀕死的社會學家,當他完全失去了生活自理能力,回復到嬰兒期的柔弱依賴,不能再證明什麼,才終於學會真正享受生命,專注而投入地看花、欣賞風景。我幸而及早有所醒悟和選擇:成為理性有限體系中的佼佼者,抑或無限體系中的初學者?或者我已經不再需要時時記掛著我的腦袋?
 
  請接受我的邀請,放下腦袋,把自己交給音樂,盡情舞動你的身體吧!

 

5 則留言:

匿名 提到...

I think dancing can get us in touch with the part of us we are normally unaware of, the beautiful, soft and romantic side. Maybe in heaven all souls dance. What do you think?

What about posting some of your dancing pictures, in a sexy dance gown?

匿名 提到...

  I don't think it is an older woman syndrome, for
dancing has been in my blood ever since I was little. But it took me so many years to release
this craze. I have locked myself up in rationality for so long! What a waste of life. I think this
article is not just about dance; it is about life... and also about meditation.
yenlin

匿名 提到...

I totally agree, yes, it's about life and meditation, and about the child in us. I think all children like to dance, but not all have the chance to do it. So it should be great education to start the children dancing young. Parents shouldn't just send their daughters to take dance lessons; they should do this with their boys. This way we'll have more love and less war because people who dance don't want to make wars. I truly believe this.

I've been watching Youtube sometimes the international ballroom dancing. It's great! Look for Slavik and Karina or Slavik and Elena. They are absolutely the best!

匿名 提到...

That's a very good blog, finely designed and containing a number of good articles. When you work on something, you really put in a lot of efforts and don't cut corners.

I seldom surf the Internet unless I need some information for my work. So I don't know a blog could be a serious matter. I also didn't know that the articles could be automatically translated into English. I'm really behind the times. I just have one question. Do you target your readers as those interested in feminism or the general public. I would believe it's the latter because you have articles of general interest. One suggestion. Maybe you can also try to write articles with younger, less sophisticated readers in mind. I myself find that a challenge.

匿名 提到...

It was a very interesting and well-written article blessed with a fantastic title: “I dance, therefore I am”. It captures your attention right away and then your heart, especially to another TGIF dance lover.

You have thrown in the whole gamut of your mind, body and soul’s separate and combined dialogues in the past and shifted toward their beautiful balance and enriched integration. As a thinker, absorbed more in reason and analysis, we may neglect the needs and movements of the bodies as well as cultivating and nourishing the all-knowing, all-embracing and all-liberating essence of our souls. Dancing sometimes can abridge that gap and for the least, shorten the distance among them. Through the rhythm of the music, you extend it to the cells of your body and then maybe to the core of your existence, your soul. The vibration weaves them together harmoniously. That will be the ultimate beauty of dancing. For me right now, I still linear toward the physical needs of exercising (what I regard as the most effortless exercise) and mental needs of relaxation. To dance with the 1life’s symphony in all its joy and sorrow, celebration and challenges, youth and old-age, health and sickness, physical life and death, I am still a beginner. However sometimes in the immersion of music, dancing and some improvising, you do gain a glimpse of creative and liberating power of dancing!

Dancing is fun! First of all, it is a beautiful and creative art. I mostly do free-form dancing with some improvising and emerge myself with the music, lyrics and the spontaneous synchronization in my bodily movements. I really get to appreciate my body more because of that experience. At our age it would be a grand thing to do for ourselves.

On top of that, my body needs it just for exercising. It greatly offsets the sitting and working with the computer all day at work. It softens your body, refreshes your frame of mind and enhances your energy and creativity.

In your dancing “Tango for two”, I imagine the powerful and romantic sentiment in the music combined with the unique elegance and creativity in Tango’s chorography are enough to take your breath away. Additionally the interplay of two good partners enhances and intensifies the energy of dancing due to sharing and working with each other. That will be very interesting to try!

So, as you suggested “Let’s all go dancing!”
ML